Post by chicago on Mar 26, 2015 10:25:03 GMT -5
If only I had saved the photos that went with it. 
Damn you, Graze, for agreeing to store them on your Photobucket.
I don't have the casting sheet either, but at least I was smart enough to add captions to every photo.
Believe it or not, I still have a few of the sheets of construction paper that were used for the sets. Oh, and the figures, too.
Here is a scan of the title card that was used for my figure film:
And, of course, the script itself (taken from my original Word document). It is dated August 13, 2005.
Enjoy!
Funk: Oh yeah? Why don’t you try me, huh? That’s right, delivery man, get out of my house, or bedroom. Wait, why the hell are you delivering a package to my bedroom in the first place? Ugh, forget it.
Funk: Jen is going to be so upset at this leather jacket. (screaming) I ORDERED THE FINEST OF FUR COATS, NOT SOME RINKY-DINK, RIP-OFF LEATHER JACKET!
Ugh, teaches me not to order from Ducketts new line of clothes ever again!
Funk: Why doesn’t anything seem to go right for me? Cranky delivery men, wrong jacket being sent to me, and ABOVE ALL, THE FACT THAT I SLEEP ON A BED OF VHS TAPES! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT BUDGET IS THIS FILM ON?
Funk: I’m so sad! Nothing seems right since, well, oh what am I going to do? I need something meaningfully and helpful to my righteous cause in life! Please, God, let something grand happen to me!
*doorbell rings, man speaking from outside of house*
Man at door: Hello, is anybody home? I have a huge Publisher’s Clearing-House check worth many pounds for a man named…Mr. Funk?
Funk: Damn salesmen!
*pulls curtains closed, avoids answering door*
Why can’t they let me be? Anyways, God, please bring something huge to my doorstep, and no matter how frightened I am of opening a new door to my life, let that person or being just walk right in!
*Man at door walks in, holding massive check*
Damnit! I said get out of here!
*punches Man in the stomach, grabs him by his hair and belt, and throws him out into the yard*
Geez! They are so resistant some times!
Wait a second! I have an idea that will make my life more enjoyable!
*Man crawls back in, on hands and knees*
Man: Ugh, *wheezing*, call..9..1…1!
Funk: NO, SHUT UP!
I’m talking about a reunion!
Funk: TEE DOUBLE-U EFF
RANDOM ASS PICTURE THREAD, ONE NIGHT STAND!
RIGHT AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK!
Err, I mean, nevermind…*walking off*
Layzie: Why am I wearing elbowpads?
*phone rings*
Anyhoo…
Hello?
Funk: Hi Layz, it’s Fuh….
Layzie: SURE! RAPT ONS! I’ll be there!
*phone hangs up*
Funk: What the fu…?
Layzie: Wow, RAPT ONS! So many memories, yet, none to surpass me becoming an administrator on TWF. Haha, I showed them all, and I’m going to do it again. Wait ‘til I impress fattic, that’ll show Ruch and JCLS who’s better friends with Christine! I mean, fattic…*long pause*
damn, sometimes I forget people have REAL names. *attention diverted to something else* Hey! Mets are playing! Dude, Mets…Jets? That totally rhymes! I think I’m becoming 50 Cent! Gotta tell mania! Dude, rap is awesome!
JCLS: Sweet! Family Guy is on! Oh man, Stewie just had a great quote! I can use that for my acting class, and then I’ll tell everyone I know, because people really care! I’m gonna be the best actor! Sure, being a teenager and having a slight case of male pattern baldness is working against me, but what do you expect, I wear hats every fucking day!
What’s coming on next?
Dude! American Dad! I love this show so much; not as much as Family Guy, but people get the impression that I treat both shows equally because Seth McFarlane created both shows. I love both shows. I love Seth McFarlane. I would totally have sex with Seth because he is a god to me and without him, my life would be worthless. Wow, I’m starting to rant, aren’t I? And I’m talking proper…wow…well, I can fix it…
Andy Milonakis!
This kid is so funny! Remember when he made that joke about the spoons? Oh my god, I nearly died! Yeah…I would totally have sex with Seth McFarlane.
Wonder if mom’ll hear me…
*gets out of chair, locks bedroom door*
Oh yeah, time to start watching my endless collection of Tori tapes. Man, if I had a slight interest in girls, I’d totally bang her! Like hard, too! With like, no condoms! And, handcuffs! With, whipped cream on her niblies! Dude, I’m so getting turned on!
…Yeah, I’d have sex with Seth McFarlane.
*Breaking News interrupts all television channels*
Whoa! What’s this? TWF? RAPT? ONS? But…I rarely post there anymore!
I’ve got to be there. No more sitting in my room, fantasizing about Seth. I’m gonna be there, in person, with a backwards hat. From an unknown internet source, I heard Layzie is planning on taking away fattic from us horny teenage males. Well, guess what, nothing’s gonna happen when the backwards-hat wearing cap’n comes to town.
Ugh, that sounded so lame. Whatever, I’ll use it for the acting class!
Weezer RULES!
Fattic: Hey, so what do you want to watch tonight? Fight Club, some UFC dvd’s…
Girl: Umm, see, I was thinking maybe we could watch…like…the OC?
Fattic: Why? I mean, if you want, we can watch Randy Orton wrestle?
Girl: No, see, Christine, I don’t really want to watch any of that wrestling/fighting stuff anymore. I mean, I still am a girl and still love doing girl things…
Fattic: I should totally rko you for saying that.
Girl: Totally…what?
Fattic: Nevermind, just go then! If you don’t want to watch stuff that makes me look like a tough, hardcore chick, then just go! I don’t need you, I have….Phil.
Girl: Phil? You have a boyfriend?
Fattic: Well, no, not really. We were…friends. But that’s besides the point, just go, okay? I’m not feeling well. I need to watch some Ed Norton films to calm me down.
Girl: Fine then, enjoy your loser life!
*Girl exits house*
Fattic: Oh, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I keep female friends? Is it because I’m too tough or is it the things I like? I mean, atleast me looking at a bunch of half-naked, sweaty men grappling is justifiable for my gender! But that’s not my problem. I guess I’m just lonely, and I miss….Phil. Oh, Layzie, where fore art thou Layzie? I miss you so much, with all the private messages and instant messager conversations! You were like an online loser boyfriend for me! I miss you, and I must have you back! No matter how far apart, or how seemingly ridiculous our relationship seems, I must see you again. I heard of this RAPT ONS, and now, my chance has arrived. I will be there! And I will be with the one I so desperately love, Layzie! You poor Randy Orton rip-off, you!
Trypod: So, TWF’s RAPT will be making a comeback, for one night only. Sounds interesting, except, not how I’d have planned it. With the months leading up to this night, TWF could have constructed a back-up plan, held several tag team and no dq style matches, and then, have the title handed over at the ppv; leaving time to develop another lasting feud.
Whoa, what am I saying? Every time I speak, it seems as if an idea or a plan for a wrestling storyline pops into my head. This is growing old, as are the remarks I get, or used to get at TWF. People saying I have an uncanny resemblance to Edge. DAMN THEM! I AM NOT EDGE, NOR DO I LOOK ANYTHING LIKE HIM!
I am an interesting character, with a username, uniquely-spelled, Trypod. I am an enigma, a force that nobody can wreck or truly understand. I am Trypod, but with my appearance, I am nothing more than a circus freak for all those TWF’ers. Well, as far as I’m concerned, nobody will EVER be joking about me anymore after tonight! For I will be having a makeover; a makeover, which will signify myself as the best looking, most-intelligent member of The Wrestling Forum. Bank on it…
…Damnit, I did it again.
Oh well, they think they know me, but they don’t, and I’ll prove it.
At Newb HQ…
The Newbs, (From L-R: Loaf, Raven, Dale, 3D), are all meeting to discuss their plans for RAPT ONS. With many hopes and dreams, these select few believe the party of the year will be the one time to truly solidify their place in TWF history…
Dale: So, have we agreed on what we’re going to do?
Loaf: Yeah, I think we all have.
3D: This plan is so intricate, that nobody will suspect us of making such a wonderful plan.
Raven: Uh..yeah, I forgot the plan, so could someone run this by me again?
Dale: *groans* Ugh, fine. We…
Loaf: are…
3D: going to…
Raven: Oh yeah, that’s right, SPAM! I totally forgot, heh, my mistake.
And the Newbs are off, in search of more ways to spam, thus irritating all of the veteran TWF members (who also spam, but not as much)…
Graze: Wow, my enormous package from BH and Troy has finally arrived! Nearly 58-60 wrestling figures in one shipment. Man, do I not have a life! I might want to change these sweaty clothes, though, from my long workout at the gym. I never knew lifting a candy bar up and down would make me sweat so much! Whatever eh, let’s see what this package is all aboot…erm…about.
Sure is packed tight, let’s see if it weighs much!
Whoa! Can’t…Hold…On…Much…Longer! AAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Chicago: Haha, bitch. And you thought I would never come to visit your loser ass. Well, guess what? I’m here and I’m not letting you show up at RAPT ONS as the most-loserish, figure-collecting member of TWF! That’s my role! So don’t even try to stop me, Canadian, for us Baltimorons always get our way!
Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JC: Of course, I’ll be there. RAPT would never have been anything if not for me, same for this ONS shit. I destroyed the RAPT before, and you better believe I’ll do it again. By the way, JC WF > JC TWF.
But any way you look at it, I’m still one sexy beast. RAPT ONS, here I come!
Funk: Ah, after three weeks, my plan has finally surfaced and is ready to begin! Got a really cheap deal on renting out this hotel lobby for TWF RAPT ONS! Funny though, because I could swear this was just a cheap, low-budget construction paper set-up on a table in Chi’s room? *thinking* Nah! Well, let’s just hope everybody shows up!
Wait a sec…I hear someone now!
Layzie: Sup Funk!
Funk: Layzie! How’s it going, fellow admin *wink wink*
Layzie: Uh, things are okay. But, you know, TWF just hasn’t been the same since the Random Ass Picture Thread.
Funk: *sighing* Ugh, I know. I’ve tried my hardest to keep it alive, but then again, how well can you trust someone who goes on vacation to Australia and keeps promoting he’ll be back “soon”?
*knock on door*
Layzie: Have you seen fattic latel…nevermind. I’ll go catch a seat over here.
Funk: JCLS! What a surprise, I didn’t know if you had gotten my “Breaking News” announcement over your television set! How are things?
JCLS: Ok, I guess. My summer has been pretty busy, with random cruises and trips around the country. I just don’t have time for my friends…or even TWF. I spent a few weeks in “No Posting Land”, which was definetly a scary sight. BSR sent his blessings, as well as 237 beer bottlecaps. So…
Layzie! How’s it goin, man?
Layzie: It’s ok. Have you spoken to fattic recently?
JCLS: Well, I did go and visit he…
Layzie: (cutting him off) WHAT! You son of a bi…
JCLS: Calm down, Layz! I was in MA and decided to stop by for 5 minutes; nothing happened!
Layzie: You’re damn right, nothing happened. Because if something DID happen, just remember, I’m an administrator and I’ll delete your ass, at any second!
Funk: (interrupting) Whoa, whoa guys! Just cool down, relax and we can wait for other people to show up!
*knock on door*
Wait, I think that’s someone now!
Layzie: Oh, man, my heart is beating. I wonder if fattic’s here. Do I look okay? Ab’s sexy? Queer blue trunks?
*In walks Legend Killer*
LK: Hey, is this RAPT ONS?
Funk: No, of course not….this is a hotel lobby…with t..w..f..signs…*pausing*….uh…so get out!
*pushing LK back through the door, not letting him in*
Damnit! I said get out of here! Nobody liked you anyways!
So, guys…
Newbs: PARTY CRASHING!!! LIKE WEDDING CRASHING, EXCEPT, IT’S A PARTY! WOOOOO!!!! T – DUB – EFF!!!!!!!! T – DUB – EFF!!!!!!!
Funk: Ugh…Layzie?
Layzie: No worries, I got you covered, Funk.
Funk: Wow, you cleaned house!
JCLS: Yeah!
Layzie: Well, I just adopted the newest administrative feature.
Funk: What’s that?
Layzie: The RKO, of course!
JCLS: Nice execution…
Funk: Ok, guys, let’s clear the room of Newbs; we need to make room for our other guests!
*minutes later*
Fattic: Hey guys!
*all gasping*
Fattic: What’s wrong?
Layzie: Uh…you look boobiful, erm, beautiful. How have you been?
Fattic: Not so bad, infact, I did change a bit since we last saw each other.
JCLS: *gulping sound* We can see…
Funk: GOOD LORD THOSE ARE SOME GIGANTIC HOOTERS!
Fattic: What?
Funk: Uh, I meant, those are some gigantic chesticles! I mean, pillows! No, love cushions! No, breasticles! No, tats! No, big n busty! No, Clooney-rific! No, wait, what the hell did I just say. Erm….
I mean, hello fattic, how are you?
*long pause*
*BSR stumbles through*
BSR: Oh! My hangover!
Fattic: Hey BSR, how’s it going?
BSR: Bad.
*Stumbles off into another room*
Funk: Well, that’s a typical BSR-TWF Experience. He shows up unexpectedly, makes a few comments, and leaves us…for a long time.
*all shrug shoulders, continuing conversation*
*Graze crashes through door*
Graze: Anybody seen that punk, Chicago?
All: No, not yet.
Graze: Well, when you do, tell him I’m going to sue his ass! He stole my entire wrestling figure collection & left me naked on the floor! Which I secretly liked! But, that’s besides the point. When I find him, oh, will he wish he were another state!
Layzie: Remember, JCLS, I’ve still got my eye on you!
JCLS: Whatever, Layz, you don’t scare me one bit.
Asia: Hollywood Asia…is here!
All: Hey Asia!
Asia: What’s going on guys; haven’t been to TWF in awhile. Oh yeah, JCLS, I saw you in “No Posting Land” the other day!
Funk: Nothing really, we’re just waiting for others to show up.
Asia: Well, I hope you don’t mind if I bring my new girlfriend to the party. Her name’s Chyna. She says she comes from a well-known Asian family and would love to spend the rest of her life with me!
Layzie: Uh…sorry to tell you this, Asia, but she’s not a female!
Asia: So…
JCLS: And she’s not asian.
Asia: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT CANT BE!!!!!
*Asia passes out*
Funk: Hurry up, guys, catch him before he falls!
Fattic: So, Funk, any word on if Mania will be showing up?
Funk: Christine, I have no clue. I never was able to notify mania, so most likely, he doesn’t even know RAPT ONS exists.
Fattic: Oh, well.
Trypod: Funk, Fattic! Great to see you again!
Funk: Umm…who are you?
Trypod: It’s me, Trypod! I know, you don’t recognize me, but that’s because I had a complete makeover. I was sick of the Edge comments and now, I feel secure about my appearance, so everything’s alright. I can finally relax, make really long posts, and resist myself from the temptation of spamming. I’m finally…happy!
Asia: Oh, God. I think I’m going to hurl…CHYNA! *running away while covering mouth*
Layzie: JCLS, go help him.
Funk: Well, good for you, Christian, I mean…Tryps.
*all laughing*
Fattic: Yeah, yeah, where are your peeps? *laughing*
Layzie: Come on, give us a peep point!
*all laughing*
Trypod: No!!! The comments continue!!! *weeping* I’m going to kill myself!
Chicago: Hey, why was Tryps biting at his wrists and running out?
Funk: Who knows, Canadian Mad Cow Disease?
Chicago: Huh…whatever. So, anybody seen Graze yet? Heh
Fattic: Yeah, he was pretty pissed at you.
Chicago: I know, hahaha….
AAGH!!!!!!!
Graze: Take that, bitch! I found my figure collection hidden in your house, punk! Next to your gay porn collection! And why do you have nude pics of me on your computer!
Funk: Whoa, calm down, Graze. It’s ok, he’s probably unconscious right now and can’t here you. We’ll just…ya know..leave the body there.
Graze: Yeah well, tracking his house down wasn’t all I was doing. I got some behind-the-scenes dirt on where some of our TWF members are, instead of here.
Funk: Oh yeah? Do tell.
Graze: Well, some of it is sad news. I saw Immortal selling “Mania 4 admin” t-shirts the other day on the side of the road. Apparently, nobody wanted Mania as admin. On the other hand, a whole bunch of figure-collecting nerds were on the other side of the road selling “JC 4 admin” shirts, telling me that they were from WF and consider JC some god-like figure. Apparently, free figure giveaways and the occasional e-blowjob will get nerds behind you! Anyhoo, I saw Bartman at “No Posting Land” last weekend. It was pretty scary. All he does is sit on a couch and watch Simpsons re-runs/Classic wrestling tapes. Well, in “No Posting Land”, there really isn’t much else you can do. I also saw basic the other day at the gym. He’s switched religions and now goes by the title “WF’s Witness”, as he spends so much time there. I heard ZT was doing ok, but ROH is really starting to get to his head. He’s, like, starting to believe it’s decent wrestling. Oh well…
Fattic: So, is that all you’ve heard about other TWF members?
Graze: Pretty much, yeah, because aside from them, everybody else is either a internet-surfing cokehead, a wrestler-turned-rapist, a ghetto game show host or has either a life or deleted themselves.
Funk: WTF??? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ELECTRICITY!
Chicago: Collect…that, Graze!
I’m out of here, got some masturbating to do; hopefully Graze didn’t delete those pics of him yet.
Layzie: So, Christine, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Well, minus the amount of time I’m staring at myself in my laptop’s reflection, but that’s besides the point. Christine, I lov….
Mania: What is up bitches! What, you thought I wouldn’t show up? “50, ugh, Bentley, ugh, Em came an got a nigga fresh out the slums!”
Layzie: Ruch, we get the point. You love rap, you dress in cool clothes, and you talk street. Thing is, you post on a wrestling figures message board, which makes you a geek…like everyone else at TWF.
Mania: Hey Layz, stfu, k? thx bi
Funk: So, how are things, mania?
Mania: Aiight. I been seein this girl Alicia, I call her “A”
Layzie: Fuckin’ A!
Mania: Yeah, how’d you know?
Layzie: Christine, what I was trying to say earlier was…I lov…
Fattic: No, don’t speak! I have something I want to tell you…
omfg, swerve, I kno right?
Funk: What the hell is going on!
Mania: Seriously, Layz, did you think you had a chance with fattic? All this time, you’ve been talking about how you and JCLS are her best friends, well guess what, I’M HER BEST FRIEND…AND MACK DADDY! Didn’t you see it coming, Layz? It was destined from the beginning. Fattic was always mine and will forever be mine!
K? thx….bi.
Funk, it was great seeing you…but fattic and I are out of here. TWF RAPT ONS; we came, we saw, we conquered. Fuckin’ A!
Funk: What a crazy mess! First noobs crashed the party, Asia found out his girlfriend is a man, Tryps is going to kill himself, Graze and Chi are fighting over plastic men, and now, Mania and Fattic pulled a swerve on Layzie. What else could go wrong!
You know, I have a feeling…that something will go wrong. *shaking head in disgust*
Person: Why, Chase, KAM, TRW & Doog, just wait here, I’m about to crush this party like New York crushes Boston in the division rankings!
Funk: Here we go…who the hell are you?
Person: Why, it is I, the wrestling figure message board postinguh…God! I am a dedicated Yankees fan with an e-ego so huge, that not even Giambi’s ‘Roid-enduced muscles could crush it. I have come from far away, with only one purpose, and that purpose is to shut this party down and raise the banners high, of the one wrestling figure message board that stands about the rest…Double-U…..Eff.
As for my name, Funkster, you can call me Brian…or wojc, for short. *laughing heartily*
Funk: Layz…
Layzie: Yeah Funk?
Funk: Go ahead…
Layzie: Thanks Funk.
*moments later*
And that, fellow TWF members, is The End. I hope you enjoyed my little production, and of course, long live the Random Ass Picture Thread!
But wait…I hear we have a last announcement from someone…
JC: So, I’m assuming you all believed I would be a part of this RAPT ONS movie?
Hah, of course not. I’m too cool for that. Besides, I just became an admin again, and I can do whatever the fuck I want. As far as the RAPT ONS, enjoy it, because tomorrow morning, I’ll have no trouble deleting it from TWF history…like I did the original.
So, have fun, and please, enjoy the following cast photos…bitches.
And not to forget JC…
Damn you, Graze, for agreeing to store them on your Photobucket.I don't have the casting sheet either, but at least I was smart enough to add captions to every photo.
Believe it or not, I still have a few of the sheets of construction paper that were used for the sets. Oh, and the figures, too.
Here is a scan of the title card that was used for my figure film:
And, of course, the script itself (taken from my original Word document). It is dated August 13, 2005.
Enjoy!
SCENE 1
Funk: Oh yeah? Why don’t you try me, huh? That’s right, delivery man, get out of my house, or bedroom. Wait, why the hell are you delivering a package to my bedroom in the first place? Ugh, forget it.
Funk: Jen is going to be so upset at this leather jacket. (screaming) I ORDERED THE FINEST OF FUR COATS, NOT SOME RINKY-DINK, RIP-OFF LEATHER JACKET!
Ugh, teaches me not to order from Ducketts new line of clothes ever again!
Funk: Why doesn’t anything seem to go right for me? Cranky delivery men, wrong jacket being sent to me, and ABOVE ALL, THE FACT THAT I SLEEP ON A BED OF VHS TAPES! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT BUDGET IS THIS FILM ON?
Funk: I’m so sad! Nothing seems right since, well, oh what am I going to do? I need something meaningfully and helpful to my righteous cause in life! Please, God, let something grand happen to me!
*doorbell rings, man speaking from outside of house*
Man at door: Hello, is anybody home? I have a huge Publisher’s Clearing-House check worth many pounds for a man named…Mr. Funk?
Funk: Damn salesmen!
*pulls curtains closed, avoids answering door*
Why can’t they let me be? Anyways, God, please bring something huge to my doorstep, and no matter how frightened I am of opening a new door to my life, let that person or being just walk right in!
*Man at door walks in, holding massive check*
Damnit! I said get out of here!
*punches Man in the stomach, grabs him by his hair and belt, and throws him out into the yard*
Geez! They are so resistant some times!
Wait a second! I have an idea that will make my life more enjoyable!
*Man crawls back in, on hands and knees*
Man: Ugh, *wheezing*, call..9..1…1!
Funk: NO, SHUT UP!
I’m talking about a reunion!
Funk: TEE DOUBLE-U EFF
RANDOM ASS PICTURE THREAD, ONE NIGHT STAND!
RIGHT AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK!
Err, I mean, nevermind…*walking off*
SCENE 2
Layzie: Why am I wearing elbowpads?
*phone rings*
Anyhoo…
Hello?
Funk: Hi Layz, it’s Fuh….
Layzie: SURE! RAPT ONS! I’ll be there!
*phone hangs up*
Funk: What the fu…?
Layzie: Wow, RAPT ONS! So many memories, yet, none to surpass me becoming an administrator on TWF. Haha, I showed them all, and I’m going to do it again. Wait ‘til I impress fattic, that’ll show Ruch and JCLS who’s better friends with Christine! I mean, fattic…*long pause*
damn, sometimes I forget people have REAL names. *attention diverted to something else* Hey! Mets are playing! Dude, Mets…Jets? That totally rhymes! I think I’m becoming 50 Cent! Gotta tell mania! Dude, rap is awesome!
SCENE 3
JCLS: Sweet! Family Guy is on! Oh man, Stewie just had a great quote! I can use that for my acting class, and then I’ll tell everyone I know, because people really care! I’m gonna be the best actor! Sure, being a teenager and having a slight case of male pattern baldness is working against me, but what do you expect, I wear hats every fucking day!
What’s coming on next?
Dude! American Dad! I love this show so much; not as much as Family Guy, but people get the impression that I treat both shows equally because Seth McFarlane created both shows. I love both shows. I love Seth McFarlane. I would totally have sex with Seth because he is a god to me and without him, my life would be worthless. Wow, I’m starting to rant, aren’t I? And I’m talking proper…wow…well, I can fix it…
Andy Milonakis!
This kid is so funny! Remember when he made that joke about the spoons? Oh my god, I nearly died! Yeah…I would totally have sex with Seth McFarlane.
Wonder if mom’ll hear me…
*gets out of chair, locks bedroom door*
Oh yeah, time to start watching my endless collection of Tori tapes. Man, if I had a slight interest in girls, I’d totally bang her! Like hard, too! With like, no condoms! And, handcuffs! With, whipped cream on her niblies! Dude, I’m so getting turned on!
…Yeah, I’d have sex with Seth McFarlane.
*Breaking News interrupts all television channels*
Whoa! What’s this? TWF? RAPT? ONS? But…I rarely post there anymore!
I’ve got to be there. No more sitting in my room, fantasizing about Seth. I’m gonna be there, in person, with a backwards hat. From an unknown internet source, I heard Layzie is planning on taking away fattic from us horny teenage males. Well, guess what, nothing’s gonna happen when the backwards-hat wearing cap’n comes to town.
Ugh, that sounded so lame. Whatever, I’ll use it for the acting class!
Weezer RULES!
SCENE 4
Fattic: Hey, so what do you want to watch tonight? Fight Club, some UFC dvd’s…
Girl: Umm, see, I was thinking maybe we could watch…like…the OC?
Fattic: Why? I mean, if you want, we can watch Randy Orton wrestle?
Girl: No, see, Christine, I don’t really want to watch any of that wrestling/fighting stuff anymore. I mean, I still am a girl and still love doing girl things…
Fattic: I should totally rko you for saying that.
Girl: Totally…what?
Fattic: Nevermind, just go then! If you don’t want to watch stuff that makes me look like a tough, hardcore chick, then just go! I don’t need you, I have….Phil.
Girl: Phil? You have a boyfriend?
Fattic: Well, no, not really. We were…friends. But that’s besides the point, just go, okay? I’m not feeling well. I need to watch some Ed Norton films to calm me down.
Girl: Fine then, enjoy your loser life!
*Girl exits house*
Fattic: Oh, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I keep female friends? Is it because I’m too tough or is it the things I like? I mean, atleast me looking at a bunch of half-naked, sweaty men grappling is justifiable for my gender! But that’s not my problem. I guess I’m just lonely, and I miss….Phil. Oh, Layzie, where fore art thou Layzie? I miss you so much, with all the private messages and instant messager conversations! You were like an online loser boyfriend for me! I miss you, and I must have you back! No matter how far apart, or how seemingly ridiculous our relationship seems, I must see you again. I heard of this RAPT ONS, and now, my chance has arrived. I will be there! And I will be with the one I so desperately love, Layzie! You poor Randy Orton rip-off, you!
SCENE 5
Trypod: So, TWF’s RAPT will be making a comeback, for one night only. Sounds interesting, except, not how I’d have planned it. With the months leading up to this night, TWF could have constructed a back-up plan, held several tag team and no dq style matches, and then, have the title handed over at the ppv; leaving time to develop another lasting feud.
Whoa, what am I saying? Every time I speak, it seems as if an idea or a plan for a wrestling storyline pops into my head. This is growing old, as are the remarks I get, or used to get at TWF. People saying I have an uncanny resemblance to Edge. DAMN THEM! I AM NOT EDGE, NOR DO I LOOK ANYTHING LIKE HIM!
I am an interesting character, with a username, uniquely-spelled, Trypod. I am an enigma, a force that nobody can wreck or truly understand. I am Trypod, but with my appearance, I am nothing more than a circus freak for all those TWF’ers. Well, as far as I’m concerned, nobody will EVER be joking about me anymore after tonight! For I will be having a makeover; a makeover, which will signify myself as the best looking, most-intelligent member of The Wrestling Forum. Bank on it…
…Damnit, I did it again.
Oh well, they think they know me, but they don’t, and I’ll prove it.
SCENE 6
At Newb HQ…
The Newbs, (From L-R: Loaf, Raven, Dale, 3D), are all meeting to discuss their plans for RAPT ONS. With many hopes and dreams, these select few believe the party of the year will be the one time to truly solidify their place in TWF history…
Dale: So, have we agreed on what we’re going to do?
Loaf: Yeah, I think we all have.
3D: This plan is so intricate, that nobody will suspect us of making such a wonderful plan.
Raven: Uh..yeah, I forgot the plan, so could someone run this by me again?
Dale: *groans* Ugh, fine. We…
Loaf: are…
3D: going to…
Raven: Oh yeah, that’s right, SPAM! I totally forgot, heh, my mistake.
And the Newbs are off, in search of more ways to spam, thus irritating all of the veteran TWF members (who also spam, but not as much)…
SCENE 7
Graze: Wow, my enormous package from BH and Troy has finally arrived! Nearly 58-60 wrestling figures in one shipment. Man, do I not have a life! I might want to change these sweaty clothes, though, from my long workout at the gym. I never knew lifting a candy bar up and down would make me sweat so much! Whatever eh, let’s see what this package is all aboot…erm…about.
Sure is packed tight, let’s see if it weighs much!
Whoa! Can’t…Hold…On…Much…Longer! AAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Chicago: Haha, bitch. And you thought I would never come to visit your loser ass. Well, guess what? I’m here and I’m not letting you show up at RAPT ONS as the most-loserish, figure-collecting member of TWF! That’s my role! So don’t even try to stop me, Canadian, for us Baltimorons always get our way!
Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 8
JC: Of course, I’ll be there. RAPT would never have been anything if not for me, same for this ONS shit. I destroyed the RAPT before, and you better believe I’ll do it again. By the way, JC WF > JC TWF.
But any way you look at it, I’m still one sexy beast. RAPT ONS, here I come!
SCENE 9
Funk: Ah, after three weeks, my plan has finally surfaced and is ready to begin! Got a really cheap deal on renting out this hotel lobby for TWF RAPT ONS! Funny though, because I could swear this was just a cheap, low-budget construction paper set-up on a table in Chi’s room? *thinking* Nah! Well, let’s just hope everybody shows up!
Wait a sec…I hear someone now!
Layzie: Sup Funk!
Funk: Layzie! How’s it going, fellow admin *wink wink*
Layzie: Uh, things are okay. But, you know, TWF just hasn’t been the same since the Random Ass Picture Thread.
Funk: *sighing* Ugh, I know. I’ve tried my hardest to keep it alive, but then again, how well can you trust someone who goes on vacation to Australia and keeps promoting he’ll be back “soon”?
*knock on door*
Layzie: Have you seen fattic latel…nevermind. I’ll go catch a seat over here.
Funk: JCLS! What a surprise, I didn’t know if you had gotten my “Breaking News” announcement over your television set! How are things?
JCLS: Ok, I guess. My summer has been pretty busy, with random cruises and trips around the country. I just don’t have time for my friends…or even TWF. I spent a few weeks in “No Posting Land”, which was definetly a scary sight. BSR sent his blessings, as well as 237 beer bottlecaps. So…
Layzie! How’s it goin, man?
Layzie: It’s ok. Have you spoken to fattic recently?
JCLS: Well, I did go and visit he…
Layzie: (cutting him off) WHAT! You son of a bi…
JCLS: Calm down, Layz! I was in MA and decided to stop by for 5 minutes; nothing happened!
Layzie: You’re damn right, nothing happened. Because if something DID happen, just remember, I’m an administrator and I’ll delete your ass, at any second!
Funk: (interrupting) Whoa, whoa guys! Just cool down, relax and we can wait for other people to show up!
*knock on door*
Wait, I think that’s someone now!
Layzie: Oh, man, my heart is beating. I wonder if fattic’s here. Do I look okay? Ab’s sexy? Queer blue trunks?
*In walks Legend Killer*
LK: Hey, is this RAPT ONS?
Funk: No, of course not….this is a hotel lobby…with t..w..f..signs…*pausing*….uh…so get out!
*pushing LK back through the door, not letting him in*
Damnit! I said get out of here! Nobody liked you anyways!
So, guys…
Newbs: PARTY CRASHING!!! LIKE WEDDING CRASHING, EXCEPT, IT’S A PARTY! WOOOOO!!!! T – DUB – EFF!!!!!!!! T – DUB – EFF!!!!!!!
Funk: Ugh…Layzie?
Layzie: No worries, I got you covered, Funk.
Funk: Wow, you cleaned house!
JCLS: Yeah!
Layzie: Well, I just adopted the newest administrative feature.
Funk: What’s that?
Layzie: The RKO, of course!
JCLS: Nice execution…
Funk: Ok, guys, let’s clear the room of Newbs; we need to make room for our other guests!
*minutes later*
Fattic: Hey guys!
*all gasping*
Fattic: What’s wrong?
Layzie: Uh…you look boobiful, erm, beautiful. How have you been?
Fattic: Not so bad, infact, I did change a bit since we last saw each other.
JCLS: *gulping sound* We can see…
Funk: GOOD LORD THOSE ARE SOME GIGANTIC HOOTERS!
Fattic: What?
Funk: Uh, I meant, those are some gigantic chesticles! I mean, pillows! No, love cushions! No, breasticles! No, tats! No, big n busty! No, Clooney-rific! No, wait, what the hell did I just say. Erm….
I mean, hello fattic, how are you?
*long pause*
*BSR stumbles through*
BSR: Oh! My hangover!
Fattic: Hey BSR, how’s it going?
BSR: Bad.
*Stumbles off into another room*
Funk: Well, that’s a typical BSR-TWF Experience. He shows up unexpectedly, makes a few comments, and leaves us…for a long time.
*all shrug shoulders, continuing conversation*
*Graze crashes through door*
Graze: Anybody seen that punk, Chicago?
All: No, not yet.
Graze: Well, when you do, tell him I’m going to sue his ass! He stole my entire wrestling figure collection & left me naked on the floor! Which I secretly liked! But, that’s besides the point. When I find him, oh, will he wish he were another state!
Layzie: Remember, JCLS, I’ve still got my eye on you!
JCLS: Whatever, Layz, you don’t scare me one bit.
Asia: Hollywood Asia…is here!
All: Hey Asia!
Asia: What’s going on guys; haven’t been to TWF in awhile. Oh yeah, JCLS, I saw you in “No Posting Land” the other day!
Funk: Nothing really, we’re just waiting for others to show up.
Asia: Well, I hope you don’t mind if I bring my new girlfriend to the party. Her name’s Chyna. She says she comes from a well-known Asian family and would love to spend the rest of her life with me!
Layzie: Uh…sorry to tell you this, Asia, but she’s not a female!
Asia: So…
JCLS: And she’s not asian.
Asia: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT CANT BE!!!!!
*Asia passes out*
Funk: Hurry up, guys, catch him before he falls!
Fattic: So, Funk, any word on if Mania will be showing up?
Funk: Christine, I have no clue. I never was able to notify mania, so most likely, he doesn’t even know RAPT ONS exists.
Fattic: Oh, well.
Trypod: Funk, Fattic! Great to see you again!
Funk: Umm…who are you?
Trypod: It’s me, Trypod! I know, you don’t recognize me, but that’s because I had a complete makeover. I was sick of the Edge comments and now, I feel secure about my appearance, so everything’s alright. I can finally relax, make really long posts, and resist myself from the temptation of spamming. I’m finally…happy!
Asia: Oh, God. I think I’m going to hurl…CHYNA! *running away while covering mouth*
Layzie: JCLS, go help him.
Funk: Well, good for you, Christian, I mean…Tryps.
*all laughing*
Fattic: Yeah, yeah, where are your peeps? *laughing*
Layzie: Come on, give us a peep point!
*all laughing*
Trypod: No!!! The comments continue!!! *weeping* I’m going to kill myself!
Chicago: Hey, why was Tryps biting at his wrists and running out?
Funk: Who knows, Canadian Mad Cow Disease?
Chicago: Huh…whatever. So, anybody seen Graze yet? Heh
Fattic: Yeah, he was pretty pissed at you.
Chicago: I know, hahaha….
AAGH!!!!!!!
Graze: Take that, bitch! I found my figure collection hidden in your house, punk! Next to your gay porn collection! And why do you have nude pics of me on your computer!
Funk: Whoa, calm down, Graze. It’s ok, he’s probably unconscious right now and can’t here you. We’ll just…ya know..leave the body there.
Graze: Yeah well, tracking his house down wasn’t all I was doing. I got some behind-the-scenes dirt on where some of our TWF members are, instead of here.
Funk: Oh yeah? Do tell.
Graze: Well, some of it is sad news. I saw Immortal selling “Mania 4 admin” t-shirts the other day on the side of the road. Apparently, nobody wanted Mania as admin. On the other hand, a whole bunch of figure-collecting nerds were on the other side of the road selling “JC 4 admin” shirts, telling me that they were from WF and consider JC some god-like figure. Apparently, free figure giveaways and the occasional e-blowjob will get nerds behind you! Anyhoo, I saw Bartman at “No Posting Land” last weekend. It was pretty scary. All he does is sit on a couch and watch Simpsons re-runs/Classic wrestling tapes. Well, in “No Posting Land”, there really isn’t much else you can do. I also saw basic the other day at the gym. He’s switched religions and now goes by the title “WF’s Witness”, as he spends so much time there. I heard ZT was doing ok, but ROH is really starting to get to his head. He’s, like, starting to believe it’s decent wrestling. Oh well…
Fattic: So, is that all you’ve heard about other TWF members?
Graze: Pretty much, yeah, because aside from them, everybody else is either a internet-surfing cokehead, a wrestler-turned-rapist, a ghetto game show host or has either a life or deleted themselves.
Funk: WTF??? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ELECTRICITY!
Chicago: Collect…that, Graze!
I’m out of here, got some masturbating to do; hopefully Graze didn’t delete those pics of him yet.
Layzie: So, Christine, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Well, minus the amount of time I’m staring at myself in my laptop’s reflection, but that’s besides the point. Christine, I lov….
Mania: What is up bitches! What, you thought I wouldn’t show up? “50, ugh, Bentley, ugh, Em came an got a nigga fresh out the slums!”
Layzie: Ruch, we get the point. You love rap, you dress in cool clothes, and you talk street. Thing is, you post on a wrestling figures message board, which makes you a geek…like everyone else at TWF.
Mania: Hey Layz, stfu, k? thx bi
Funk: So, how are things, mania?
Mania: Aiight. I been seein this girl Alicia, I call her “A”
Layzie: Fuckin’ A!
Mania: Yeah, how’d you know?
Layzie: Christine, what I was trying to say earlier was…I lov…
Fattic: No, don’t speak! I have something I want to tell you…
omfg, swerve, I kno right?
Funk: What the hell is going on!
Mania: Seriously, Layz, did you think you had a chance with fattic? All this time, you’ve been talking about how you and JCLS are her best friends, well guess what, I’M HER BEST FRIEND…AND MACK DADDY! Didn’t you see it coming, Layz? It was destined from the beginning. Fattic was always mine and will forever be mine!
K? thx….bi.
Funk, it was great seeing you…but fattic and I are out of here. TWF RAPT ONS; we came, we saw, we conquered. Fuckin’ A!
Funk: What a crazy mess! First noobs crashed the party, Asia found out his girlfriend is a man, Tryps is going to kill himself, Graze and Chi are fighting over plastic men, and now, Mania and Fattic pulled a swerve on Layzie. What else could go wrong!
You know, I have a feeling…that something will go wrong. *shaking head in disgust*
Person: Why, Chase, KAM, TRW & Doog, just wait here, I’m about to crush this party like New York crushes Boston in the division rankings!
Funk: Here we go…who the hell are you?
Person: Why, it is I, the wrestling figure message board postinguh…God! I am a dedicated Yankees fan with an e-ego so huge, that not even Giambi’s ‘Roid-enduced muscles could crush it. I have come from far away, with only one purpose, and that purpose is to shut this party down and raise the banners high, of the one wrestling figure message board that stands about the rest…Double-U…..Eff.
As for my name, Funkster, you can call me Brian…or wojc, for short. *laughing heartily*
Funk: Layz…
Layzie: Yeah Funk?
Funk: Go ahead…
Layzie: Thanks Funk.
*moments later*
And that, fellow TWF members, is The End. I hope you enjoyed my little production, and of course, long live the Random Ass Picture Thread!
But wait…I hear we have a last announcement from someone…
JC: So, I’m assuming you all believed I would be a part of this RAPT ONS movie?
Hah, of course not. I’m too cool for that. Besides, I just became an admin again, and I can do whatever the fuck I want. As far as the RAPT ONS, enjoy it, because tomorrow morning, I’ll have no trouble deleting it from TWF history…like I did the original.
So, have fun, and please, enjoy the following cast photos…bitches.
And not to forget JC…
